Timelords and Tiaras
by EmiLoveintheTARDIS
Summary: AU: The Doctors and Companions compete in a little beauty pageant. I mean, they're basically little kids in the real show, right?
1. Chapter 1

Timelords and Tiaras

Written by: Emi Love

Idea by: Abby

"Mommy! I don't wanna!"

A stern look from the boy's red headed mother quieted him.

"Fine." Crossing his arms indigently, the boy with the spiked hair sat down on the box and faced the brooding camera. "My name is David and I'm 7 years old. My mommy says I should do pageants so I 'don't conform to gender stereotypes' but I don't really know what that means. I do it for ONE reason, and ONE reason only."

"And that is…?" the director asked, sitting next to the camera, unseen.

"Not telling." And with that, David zipped his lips and threw away the key.

..

"Ready, Rose?" Jackie asked, pulling the final curlers out of her daughter's blonde hair.

"Yes, mommy," Rose replied, looking at her newly done French manicure. She sat down on the box that was covered in a pink blanket to make it not stand out so much. The cameras were situated in her pink room, her "Princess Reigns Here" sign was neatly displayed above her bed, and her trophies and crowns were neatly placed around the room.

"Alright, tell us your name, age, and anything else."

"My name is Rose. I'm 6 years old and my mommy says I'm a princess. I USUALLY win every pageant that I go to, but when the boys come too, sometimes I don't." Leaning in, Rose put her hand up to her mouth in a mock whisper. "I think it's to help their confidence."

"Do you have confidence?"

"Of course I do!" Rose lifted a hand to her chest as if she were offended. "I EXUDE confidence… I used that word right, right mommy?"

..

"I- I'm Clara," a small girl said, sitting atop the box they had set up. She tried to hide behind her hair, but her mom had pulled it back behind a hairband. "Anything else?" she asked, her warm chocolate coloured eyes looking up at the camera.

"Age and anything else."

"Alright," Clara sighed, defeated. "I'm 7 years old and this is my first ever glitz pageant. I've done natural before, and I did pretty good, but…" Clara looked down at her patent Mary Janes and clacked them together. "I'm still nervous."

..

A curly mess of hair bombarded around the room, almost knocking over the camera. "Aaaaaand this is my karate trophy collection! I like it more than my pageant section buuuuut…."

"AHEM," a woman coughed as the girl was talking. Her sharp suit and sensible heels stood out in the room full of kids' clothes and trophies. Her ear was contained in a Bluetooth device that she almost talked into constantly. "Melody dear, these people don't want to see those trophies. They want to see your pageant stuff."

"MOM! It's not Melody! It's RIVER!"

"Alright Melody-"

"And we don't mind if she shows us her other stuff," the director commented, attempting a smile.

"Well if you'll excuse me, I- I need to make a phone call," the woman said through gritted teeth after being interrupted. "If you need me, I'll be in my office. Behave, Melody!"

"IT'S RIVER!" The girl sighed, her shoulders drooping a bit. Sitting back where they instructed she refused to sit up straight, especially since her mother wasn't there to reprimand her. "Where were we?" River sighed. "Oh right. My 'mom'," she added the quotations with her fingers, "Says my name is 'Melody' but it's really River. Like I said before, I'm 7 years old and I'm adopted!"

..

The two parents were sitting with their floppy haired son as the cameras were positioned around the house. The boy rested on his mother's lap, his head on her shoulder, his dark brown hair a stark contrast to her bright red.

"When are they gonna finish?" he asked impatiently. "I'm tired."

"I can tell," the mother softly chuckled. "And they'll be done soon, Matthew."

A loud boom came from the living room of their townhouse.

"What was that, Amy?" the father asked, shooting up from out of his chair."

"It's alright dear," Amy said, slowly bringing him back down to his chair. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

After a while, the director's head popped out to where the family was seated. "We're ready for you now. Sorry about the bang, just dropped a tripod, no damage. Promise."

Matt and his parents walked into the family room and the boy quickly took his seat at the box. The director was about to tell him what to say, but he raised his hand, and then fixed his bowtie. "Name, age, and anything else. Got it," he smiled, ear to ear. "My name is Matt and I'm 8 years old. I've been doing pageants for about 4 years and I really like doing magic. Wanna see a trick?"

..

"Rose and I are best friends, yeah I guess. She lives right down the street so we see each other a lot. Normally I just go to her pageants and cheer her on while simultaneously having my lungs shrink in size due to the hairspray to oxygen ratio in the air. But this is the first time that I've ever done a pageant. I'm not doing it because I WANT to. Rose just… asked me. Pageants are stupid anyway…"

"Christopher!" his mom scolded. "Don't say that, please."

Chris rubbed his shaved scalp in frustration. "Ok, mom!" he said. "Like I said, I think I'm gonna be the oldest one or something. I'm 9!" he smiled.

..


	2. Chapter 2

Timelords and Tiaras: Chapter 2

Practice Makes Perfect

"5, 6, 7, 8!"

The mirror in front of Rose showed all of her mistake and perfections. She had run through her routine about a thousand times already and she was exhausted. But she knew she couldn't show it. It was part of her training. Her smile was plastered, yet genuine. Her hair bouncing but was still perfect. The music stopped and she was perfectly on her cue.

"Good job, Rose!" her coach clapped. Rose smile and walked over to her water and took a large swig. Jackie was sitting on a bench, arms on her knees and head in her hands. "Rose, darling, you looked down at your feet on the third turn on the fifth beat. Keep your head up, look at the judges!"

Rose looked down at her crisp, white pageant shoes. "Yes, mommy," she said quietly.

"Now," her mother smiled, clapping her hands together. "Talent!"

Rose walked over to her dance bag and pulled on her tap shoes. "Here goes nothing."

..

"It's SOOOOO tiring," Rose said to the camera, almost falling forward. "All I do is practice my walk and dance. The only reason I can go outside is so I can stay skinny and get a tan. But I really like softball. Chris plays it with me if I ask him and I usually beat him," she shrugs. "Don't tell my mommy though! She says it isn't 'lady like.'"

..

"Mommy! All I need to do it put on my tux and step out onto the stage! EVERYONE loves me! EVERYONE."

Donna frowned at her son. "What I say goes, ok?"

"No, what I say goes!"

"No it does not!"

"David, adorable, yes!"

"Donna, MOTHER, no!"

"Fine!" David stuck out his lip in a pout and went to his room.

"That boy," Donna said, a bit embarrassed at the camera's witnessing the exchange. "I swear he will be the absolute death of me!

After a while, David reemerged. "Ok mommy. I'll practice. But we keep the hair."

..

"Alright we gotta put the eyelashes on," Ellie said, pulling out the offending eyewear and glue.

"No momma!" Clara cried, covering her eyes. Her mother tried to pry her little hands from her face but failed.

"We need to put them on eventually," Ellie muttered, frustrated. "You need them if you want to do well. And don't you want to do well?"

"I guess…"

..

"The only reason why I'm doing this is because of Matt. He came to a natural pageant once and he was really nice. But his friend, River, was there. She's nice, but is really intense. And she knows karate! Karate!" Clara shivered on the little box set up in her room. The soft yellow walls were the perfect background for her olive skin, brown hair, and chocolate eyes. "I just don't want to wear all the makeup. No no no no no!"

..

"Perfect. Now spin and hold your lapels. Good! Take off your hat and bow… Great!" Matt was excelling in practice. His mom, Amy, sat in her chair and smiled at him, holding his bag of other clothes.

"Did you see that, mommy?" Matt cheered. "It was 'perfect'," he quoted smugly, running into her arms for a hug.

"Yes I did. But do you know what you need to work on?" Matt shook his head confused. "Humility."

"Sorry mommy," he said sheepishly. "Time for talent?" he asked, perking up. Before he got an answer, he ran over to his bag and grabbed his cards and his "wand." It was some parts that he put together around a flashlight, with a bulb inside that glowed green. "Let's do this!"

He began with some simple tricks. A few "Is this your card?" until his kicked it up a notch and used some mirrors for effect. "Mommy, can I please do the wood chipper trick?"

"No," Amy replied quickly, then smiled at him. "You haven't even tried it. And you're too young."

Matt crossed his arms and pouted, before resuming his tricks.

..

"I just worry about him, you know?" Amy confessed to the camera. "We had tried so hard for a child, and he was our miracle baby. I don't want him to get hurt, because he's my baby. I know I need to let him do his thing, and Matt is such a smart kid, but I don't want him to grow up. But I know he needs to," she sighed.

..

"HI-YAH!" River shouted, kicking her punching bag with more force than should be possible for such a little girl. She flipped her unruly mess of hair out of her hazel eyes and looked at the camera men. "Wanna see me break a board? One second thought, what about a brick? I can break that!"

Her mother, Mrs. Kovarian grimaced. "Dear, they don't want to see that-" But before River paid any attention to the older woman, she placed a brick in front of her. "Ready?" she asked devilishly. Lifting up her fist, she shouted and punched through the solid block. "I can break two together!"

"No she can't!" Mrs. Kovarian said quickly. "Melody, dear, go get cleaned up and go to your interview."

"IT'S RIVER!"

..

"Matt is my boyfriend. Well, he doesn't know it yet, but he is. Most boys are oblivious anyway, but if anyone. And I mean ANYONE tries to flirt with him, I'll unleash my fists of fury!" River punched the air rapidly. "See? Scary," she smirked, crossing her arms. "But that Clara girl is nice. David is an 'eh.' Same with Rose." River looked around and pulled her hair out of the head band her mother had put it in. "Ahh, much better," she smiled, fluffing out her large hair. "My mom doesn't know what it's like to have such HUGE hair restricted. Anyway, where were we?"

..

"Ugh, this pageant stuff is horrible. I don't know how Rose convinced me to do this. It's not like I can go up there and play football or anything. It's sooo boring! And everyone is so young! That Matt guy is like, 8. That's a whole YEAR younger than me," Chris smiled. "Anyway, my mom made me go get a tux. A tux! It's so stuffy! Ugh. I can barely breathe. And practice?! I've been walking for like, a million years! Seriously. I hate this," he frowned, crossing his arms.

* * *

**A/N: Hi everyone! Wow. I know 58 views might not seem like a lot, but to me it is! I hope you like this chapter, I've been working on it for a while. I dont think that chapter 3 will be up as quick as this one was, as I had already written, like, 550 words of this before I even posted the first chapter. And, I have no beta, so I apologize for any errors! I would love a beta, so if you're interested, hit me up! Thanks for reading and don't forget to review, please!**


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